Oh boy, sounds like you're stuck in a bureaucratic loop there! I've been through a similar situation with a different government process and, I get it, it can be incredibly frustrating. First and foremost, if you registered as Self Employed pre-internet era, then it's very likely that you don't have a Government Gateway account. That being said, the EORI Number is crucial if you're involved in importing or exporting goods, especially post-Brexit. My advice would be to try the following steps: Physical Visit: As archaic as it sounds, sometimes a face-to-face visit (if possible) to the nearest government office can be effective. It cuts out the endless waiting on phone lines and provides a direct way to resolve issues. Email Correspondence: In case you cannot get through on the phone, try emailing them. Though it might take a few days to get a response, it's still another channel of communication. Create a New Government Gateway Account: If you're sure you've never had one or can't remember the details, then starting afresh might be the easiest option. The registration process may ask for some details or documents to verify your identity, so keep those handy. Seek Expert Advice: If all else fails, consider seeking assistance from a professional or an agency that specializes in such services. They might charge a fee, but sometimes it's worth the convenience and peace of mind. Document Everything: This is key. Whenever you're dealing with such processes, make sure to keep a record of every conversation, email, or document sent. It will be helpful in case you need to reference it later. Lastly, hang in there. Bureaucratic processes can be a test of patience, but once you get through it, it'll feel like a massive accomplishment. Hope you get your EORI Number soon!